Feeling generally exhausted from a long, hot day I treated myself to a nice relaxing bath before bed last night. Then Dave and I completed our nightly rituals -- checking door locks, picking up odds and ends, and checking on babies. We found Yvonne awake and frightened by the sound of the washing machine that I had started much too late in the evening. We sat on the floor with her for a few minutes before I was overwhelmed with extreme sleepiness and excused myself to go crawl into bed.
You would think I would have fallen into a blissful sleep immediately.
What actually happened though, as I recall, is that I started feeling slightly nauseated as soon as my head hit the pillow. I must have drifted off for a few minutes - although all I remember is thinking about how we would manage the task of priming and painting all of the trim ourselves before we actually hire anyone to install it for us - because Dave was asleep next to me when I opened my eyes again.
I woke up because I was uncomfortable. I couldn't quite pinpoint the source of the discomfort -- it seemed to be everything at once. I still felt nauseated but now I could feel a dull ache in my back and across my shoulders. I shifted positions a thousand times but nothing I did relieved or intensified the discomfort. It was like every muscle in my body was tense but there was no way to relax. I don't know how much time passed before I found myself suddenly wide awake and terrified. I shook Dave awake and told him to help me. I was quite abruptly taken by the fear that something was horribly wrong and I was going to die. Poor Dave rushed to find some Tums as I had mentioned indigestion. I was whining like a baby and telling him everything hurt. Everything at once. It hurt.
But you know... I am not sure if it hurt or not. I remember lying there awake and feeling uncomfortable and wondering what it meant... I have a pretty high threshhold for pain - so I started to believe that perhaps I was in excruciating pain but didn't realize it. It didn't matter - pain was really the only way to describe the horrific discomfort to another person anyway.
I thought that maybe propping myself on the sofa would help... so I quickly went into the living room and sprawled out. There was no relief. By then I was very cold and shaking with chills. I felt as if I were dreaming and couldn't keep my thoughts straight. My stint on the sofa did not last long once I started seeing things. No pink elephants or scary monsters -- just stuff moving that shouldn't move. I then decided that I didn't want to hallucinate alone and went back to bed. It was about that time I had found a better way to describe to Dave what I was feeling "I feel like I'm being crushed," I said. Moments later I forgot all about that sensation as hives developed all over my back and I begged Dave to make the itching and burning stop.
I think I finally fell asleep around dawn and slept in until almost noon. A frantic Dave woke me then and told me he was going to take me to an all-hours clinic or something - but have you ever been too tired to go to the doctor? That was me. Besides - by then the fear had subsided.
I almost spent part of today researching symptoms -- but then I decided against it. The last thing I need to do is scare myself to death. Time will tell anyway. Maybe it's all psychosomatic -- some reaction to the upcoming traumatic anniversary. Maybe I'm actually sick... All the more reason then to not waste my time pouring over medical websites tonight.
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