It's a windy and dreary day today and we're surrounded by Tornado watches issued by the National Weather Service. The weather is changing as fall approaches. We spent some time this weekend putting up some Halloween decorations although Halloween is still up in the air this year. We still aren't sure if the neighborhood is planning it's traditional Halloween event this year (it was cancelled last year for obvious reasons) or if we'll be taking the kids to a Trunk or Treat again.
Here we are in limbo again. I'm not sure why I feel that way since if I really think about it we haven't gotten out of limbo for the last 14 months. Maybe it's all of the times we have felt so very close to escaping...
But this morning when I woke up and looked around it hit me that we haven't actually made any progress since January -- and then it hit me just how long ago January happened. All we can do is wait for this pie-in-the-sky grant check and try super hard not to think about anything beyond the grant check. I don't want to think about the difficulties of obtaining contractors... or keeping contractors... or not getting price-gouged out of a fair price for fair work... I don't want to think about the things that we will inevitably encounter once we begin real repairs -- the unexpected repairs and the unexpected costs. I don't want to think about the very real possibility that the grant check won't cover those costs.
It's torture to think about such things... especially when there's a fairy tale grant check to think about instead.
I had a dream last night about war. There was a fair in town - I remember the ferris wheel... And I spent the night ducking and hiding my children behind whirly-gigs and merry-go-rounds as helicopters flew over - so close to the ground that our hair moved in the downdraft. And we ran and ran with no idea where we were running to or who we were running from until we came to the shore. There beyond the beach were half a dozen warships with guns trained on the coastline. All around us were the signs of previous shellings -- bombed out houses and disabled cars... displaced personal items and the occasional dead body that you just know is there but you try not to stare too long and pretend it will go away. Then we saw the living people - important type people wearing suits.. they were shuffling groups of battered regular folks in this direction and that. I was so relieved that help had come - I was so sure they had a plan. But as we got closer we saw that these suit-types were actually herding the people onto a huge gangway.. and onto the warships.. into the hands of the enemy.. and apparently to save their own skins. There would be no rescue and there would be no defense. That's when I woke up.
Have I mentioned lately that the mental health crisis still looms?
1 comment:
What a fantastic dream!!!!! It is not "far out" at all and lunacy has nothing to do with it. It is the way we feel because we were made to feel that way. Forgotten at the very beginning, ignored by the media, slighted by insurance companies and to this day we are still waiting for our lives to begin again. The american people probably think we are doing well as all they have to decide that is what the Media says or writes. Your dream could have been and probably is what all the people here feel! Although Chinese water torture was constant dripping of water to drive one insane, ours is a waiting game that never culminates.
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