Gratitude (A few tips on charitable donations)

Last night and for the first time in months, I dreamt about what it was like the night of August 29th and for those few days after. I could feel the cold wet carpet under my feet and smell that smell again. (Locals know the smell of which I speak, for sure.) I woke up thinking about how much and how effectively I have buried the details of the ordeal. And since I like to analyze things to death - I wondered when I began the burial. I realized it was about the time we started receiving help. Any help. No matter how small... how slight. I wanted our benefactors to know how grateful we were - I wanted to prove to them all that their help was .. well.. helping. Looking back I know that I often glazed over the details in an effort to make everyone else feel better about what we were going through. That's why I started this blog months ago.. to have a place to tell the story without the sugar coating when I felt the need.

There are other details that I have only touched upon -- about the 'help' itself. Things that so many of us here talk about amongst ourselves... But would never dare say to folks out there out of politeness.. or gratitude.. For some reason tonight I feel compelled to brave the chasm between gratitude and honesty and give the world a few pointers before we come to the next major disaster:


CLOTHING
Contrary to what now appears to be popular belief, when a major disaster strikes an area it is NOT a prime opportunity to clean out your closet. When we had access to television news again, I watched several reports about the mountains of clothes that could be found in every city along the coast. Some reporters were stupified about the apparent waste. Why were these clothes not being utilized? Distribution centers claimed it was mostly due to an inability to sort and label such a huge volume of clothing... And I am quite sure that was a significant factor. However, after actually climbing through some of those clothing mountains myself (and coming away empty-handed), I suppose I should be the one to tell all the well-meaning closet-cleaners out there about the other problem.

We just lost everything in a major disaster. We have been walking around for three days in the same clothes without access to soap and water. The lucky among us were able to go into our own closets and shovel out our muddy and sewage-soaked clothing. Out of sheer necessity, we salvaged the least soiled and washed them as best we could and left them out to air dry. As soon as we were able to replace them we threw them out. (We actually wanted to burn them - but there was a burn-ban in effect....)

With this in mind, I can't for the life of me figure out what we were supposed to do with even more torn, tattered, stained, and worn clothing... Stuff that someone else had previously thrown out. Is there any actual thought put into these clothing donations? I sincerely hope not.. or else it would go something like this:

'Oh! Look! My old jeans from junior high. I haven't worn them in 15 years. I totally forgot I had them stuck down here in the leaky basement all this time! They're out of style now and the button is missing from the fly. Oops! The zipper still sticks. And look the belt loops are all torn off - probably from the last time I tried to squeeze into them when they didn't fit. I bet someone could really use these!'

There were shirts with no buttons. What, pray tell, am I supposed to do with a shirt with no buttons? How about unmatched socks? One left shoe? Shoes with missing soles and missing shoelaces... Sequined evening gowns and slinky little rhinestoned black dresses, too. When you're ripping out sheetrock, cutting down trees, hauling debris, or shovelling gook off your slab -- just how formal does your attire need to be?

If you're thinking about donating clothing to an area that has just been struck with a hurricane (a good indication that the climate of the area is generally mild to hellishly hot, right there) - where news reports tell of people suffering in unbearable heat without water or ice.... Please don't send snow suits. Or parkas. Wool coats. Ski pants. Fur-lined gloves. I start to overheat just thinking about it.

Some folks waited a bit -- until winter started to come on -- to send clothing donations. Still, we don't need snow suits. Or parkas. Wool coats. Ski pants. Fur-lined gloves. On the other hand -- we don't need bathing suits and flip flops in the dead of winter either....

Finally - perhaps most importantly - I would like to make a statement: There is no such thing as 'gently used' underwear.

DON'T TOUCH THAT, JUNIOR! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN!
As a general rule, if it isn't good enough for your kids -- it's probably not good enough for mine.
Please don't send used children's toys with spaghetti stains on them. Or now unidentifiable stuffed critters with both eyes plucked out (our kids have been traumatized enough...). Please don't send naked Barbies and baby dolls who have had their hair shaved off. Please don't send coloring books that have already been colored. Please don't send puzzles with half the pieces missing. Why do you send box after box of broken McDonald's Happy Meal toys?

Please keep your used baby bottle nipples and pre-chewed pacifiers. We don't need Kool-aid stained sippy cups. I am not wrapping my baby in 'gently used' and horribly stained baby diapers. And tell me - honestly - would you offer your infant a well-gnawed teething ring from parts unknown?

My husband said as we surveyed a pile of donated items: "Hey - isn't this the same stuff we just spent four days throwing away?"

FOOD
I know what you're thinking: "How could someone possibly go wrong when donating food to people who are on the brink of starvation?" Well, I can answer that.

Tonight while I was straightening up our pantry I ran across some of the items that we had gotten through a local distribution center when things were at their worst. They are still in the pantry for a reason.

BIGGER IS NOT ALWAYS BETTER
There are seven 6 lb 12 oz cans of applesauce. Now, I'm sure even the most die-hard of applesauce fans out there would agree that this is an enormous amount of applesauce. There are a lot of folks in my family -- but I'm not sure what we could do with over fifty pounds of applesauce on a good day.

But it wasn't a good day. If we opened one of these six pound cans of applesauce - it would be totally necessary to eat it all in one sitting. The label clearly states that once the can has been opened, the remainder must be refrigerated immediately. With no electricity - that would have been a problem... And just how many six pound cans of applesauce do you have room for in your ice chest?

(We had the same problem with the six pound can of green beans, the six pound can of lima beans, and the three five pound jars of strawberry preserves we received.)

GOURMET SURVIVAL
There was cruelty to be found in some of the emergency food supplies -- and I'm not talking about non-dolphin-safe tuna either. Packages with tempting labels like "Chicken a la King" or "Penne pasta with Alfredo". It all sounds so good when you've been eating dry crackers and bread for a couple of days. However, all of these emergency food rations called for items such as eggs, milk, and butter or margarine in the preparation instructions. You know guys - if I had eggs, milk, and butter I'd just skip the Alfredo and make some breakfast....

Another of my favorites - and the thing which actually prompted tonight's post - was an entire box of "Banana Smoothie Mix" packages. The package perkily reads: "Just add a fresh banana, skim milk and ice to make 1 quart of refreshing smoothie." Sure! Let me just get out my blender.... To add insult to injury the label also proclaims the product to be 'Fat-Free! No Sugar Added!' -- totally eliminating the possibility of simply licking the powder out of the envelope to satisfy a post-disaster sugar craving....

IF YOU WOULDN'T FEED IT TO YOUR CAT...
I'm sure I don't have to describe the amount of 'potted meat product' and 'vienna sausages' we received. Not to mention the Spam and the even more mysterious and terrifying 'Treet'. I suppose if the tidal wave didn't get us someone out there wanted to make sure the sodium, MSG, and by-products would. One morning, in what I promise you was total desperation, I offered a bit of Spam to our cat as we had totally run out of cat food. She hadn't eaten in over twelve hours and was nursing four kittens, but she wouldn't touch the stuff. You've just gotta trust instincts like that.

We never offered her the Pork n' Beans. We didn't need to. I know there are people out there who really dig Pork n' Beans -- I just don't happen to be one of them. As a matter of fact, no one in my household happens to be one of them. I can tell you with all sincerity and with the voice of experience that I would sooner go hungry than eat them. However, we managed to assemble quite a collection of the things. Our theory is that these same cans of beans have been passed on from distribution center to distribution center -- possibly from disaster to disaster... forever being redonated until they finally settle on some hapless victim's pantry shelf.


We tried for weeks - no, make that months - to find someone who really liked them so we could pawn them off -- er, I mean -- so we could generously donate them to a needy family... But we could never find anyone willing to take them off our hands.


I have a request for anyone out there who may be thinking of making a donation right now -- or could possibly do so in the event of a future catastrophe: Give. Don't pawn off - don't recycle - don't houseclean. Give. Please, if you catch yourself thinking something like "Well, they have absolutely nothing - they should be grateful for whatever I give them..." -- stop. Give as if you're giving to someone you know and love. Do not make reducing the recipient of your gift to someone or something beneath you part and parcel of your charity.

It helps to think as well... But to the folks who sent the gourmet food and the Smoothie mix and the fifty pounds of applesauce -- I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Perhaps these gifts made no real sense -- but they did make me smile in the middle of a crisis. Not just because I knew it would all become an amusing anecdote if we all survived... But because it is obvious that these were things given from the heart. Somebody out there wanted us to have a treat. Somebody wanted us to have an abundance. Somebody out there loved us. Thank you. Maybe we'll make some smoothies this weekend....

(Next time the school or church or local Red Cross has a food drive - I hereby promise to refrain from throwing ten cans of pork & beans in the box. In the meantime though -- if there's a pork n' bean lover in the audience - please drop me a line... We'll make a delivery.)