Encyclical Letter "Deus Caritas Est"

Encyclical Letter "Deus Caritas Est": "When we consider the immensity of others' needs, we can, on the one hand, be driven towards an ideology that would aim at doing what God's governance of the world apparently cannot: fully resolving every problem. Or we can be tempted to give in to inertia, since it would seem that in any event nothing can be accomplished. At such times, a living relationship with Christ is decisive if we are to keep on the right path, without falling into an arrogant contempt for man, something not only unconstructive but actually destructive, or surrendering to a resignation which would prevent us from being guided by love in the service of others. Prayer, as a means of drawing ever new strength from Christ, is concretely and urgently needed. People who pray are not wasting their time, even though the situation appears desperate and seems to call for action alone. "


I think it has been obvious for the last couple of weeks that I have not quite been 'myself'. It must have been obvious because so many of you have pointed it out to me -- in concerned emails and phone calls asking: "Are you okay? Do you need a break?" Thank you - each and every one of you.

I woke up this morning and it was gorgeous. An absolutely beautiful day was beginning. I threw on some clothes and kissed my cute little boys goodbye, petted the dog, and put on some coffee. I looked around the house for a moment -- and was shocked to find that it's not so bad. We have made so much progress that if you squint and look straight ahead it looks pretty good in here. Looking out through the back doors of the porch I can see hundreds of daffodils blooming in totally unexpected places -- washed from their original beds by Katrina's surge. Hmm.. I thought they were all gone.

This morning begs the question: What's wrong with me? Why the unshakeable glumness?

My coffee and I went outside to pull some weeds from the still-unmulched flowerbeds -- once-upon-a-time before that fateful hurricane this little ritual was always part of my morning prayers. I pulled the first weed as I prayed, noticing that the topsoil I had added a couple of days ago was still in place despite the two days of rain. I laughed outloud when I realized that it had been the weeds themselves that held the dirt in place. I patted one on its leafy head as I returned to the house. There was a lesson here... I could feel it just beyond the edge of what my sleepy mind could comprehend.. but it was still out of reach at that moment.

At the computer a few minutes later I ran across a link to the English translation of Pope Benedict XVI's encyclical and started reading. I had heard much about it - especially that it was so appropriate and timely for those of us here in the aftermath of a catastrophe. All I can say with certainty is that it was just what I needed this morning.

Every morning after the storm I would wake up and say my prayers and end them with a simple phrase: "Okay, God - whatever you want me to do today.. whatever you want done.. I'm yours." And everyday what He sent to me seemed so clear: the lonely lady needing to talk, the battered man asking for some food, all of the work with Operation Vanessa, the repairman who wanted someone to cry with him over the loss of his beloved cat.... Every day.

Then a couple of weeks ago it seemed to stop. There were no more phone calls.. no more visits... drives around neighborhoods seemed fruitless... and as the donations from Operation Vanessa dwindled in the dining room so did my spirits. I still said it every morning "I'm yours" - but deep down I felt like He wasn't hearing me anymore. I wanted things to do... I wanted to see and feel and hear it all... I did.


Me. And therein lies the problem.

The Pope's beautiful encyclical on love and charity brought it all home to me this morning... Love can be intoxicating - addictive - exhilerating and without God's guidance we poor frail humans have a tendency to selfishly hoard the stuff. Today I realize that God has never failed to answer my morning prayer -- I have simply failed to listen. There are many ways to give -- some are quiet and thankless. I need to take a deep breath and remember -- as those weeds in the garden were trying to tell me this morning -- God knows what He's doing.